Category: Parenting

#NaBloPoMo Day 1: Marriage is Hard

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting10 Comments

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m taking on NaBloPoMo this November, and because I’m a little special at using the internet, I’ve gone ahead and crafted my own list of 30 themes.  Marriage is kind of a big deal, so I figured why not kick things off on Day 1 with a post dedicated to Married Life?

First things first, am I the only person who hears the word “marriage” and immediately converts it to “mawwiage”? Raise your hand if you grew up watching the Princess Bride. (Side story, Hubby and I were in a fit of giggles during our vows on our wedding day, because we kept whispering “mawwiage” to each other. #RealMature).

mawwiage

Anyway, marriage is hard, y’all.  Every marriage requires major compromise and consists of significant unrest (let’s be honest).  And also, marriage is petty.  So in the spirit of being majorly petty, I’m going to take a few minutes to dish on my husband.  Because, god love him, he can be a bit of a butt-head.

butthead

So why, you ask, is Hubby a butt-head? Well…

  • He DEMANDS that the toilet paper be installed with the flap on top.  When we first started dating, I unknowingly replaced the toilet paper with the flap hiding in the back, and boy oh boy did I get an earful. But I mean, I had lived the first 21 years of my life with no rhyme or reason to how each new roll of toilet paper was installed, and I turned out ok, so …
  • While we’re on the subject of toilets, Hubby spends HOURS on the porcelain throne.  And he usually decides to go to the bathroom at the worst time.  Like, when I’m drowning in kids. He’s all, “oops, nature calls, gotta go sit on the toilet and scroll  Imgur for 30 minutes.” And let’s be honest, I’m not above texting him while he’s relieving himself and asking him to hurry the EFF up.  I mean, I’m drowning in kids, after all.
  • Moving out of the bathroom and into the kitchen: when Hubby is done using a knife, he likes to leave it on the counter with the handle hanging over the edge.  Jesus H, it’s not like we have two little munchkins running around pulling shit off the counters at every opportunity or anything . . .  Fack!
  • Hubby does not know how to load the dishwasher.  He’s like, SO bad at it that I’ve considered writing him a manual.  Of course, I should be so lucky when he actually takes it upon himself to load the dishwasher.  More often than not, he puts his used dishware on the counter … the completely clean counter … the one that I’ve just cleared of dirty dishes that are now in the dishwasher.  I brought this up last night and Hubby said, “How am I supposed to know that the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty?”  Gee, mystery of mysteries.
  • He is a horrible grocery shopper.  It takes him like an hour and a half to get a cart-full of things that would take me 20 minutes to collect.  I don’t understand it, and I have to do a lot of “serenity now”-ing while I sit at home (drowning in kids) waiting for him to finish.
  • Hubby likes to slip into accidental naps on the couch while I’m in the other room, drowning in kids.
  • He does not wake up to the baby crying in the middle of the night.  So, you know, I’m not allowed to get mad at him that he doesn’t volunteer to go in to soothe the baby, because it’s not his fault that he doesn’t wake up.

So yeah, that’s Hubby in all his Imgur-scrolling, couch-napping glory.  As for me, well, I think I have a pretty good idea what this list would look like if Hubby was writing about me.  I won’t lie to you guys, I’m not perfect: I like to leave the Pringles foil seal partially attached to the can after I open it; I never EVER notice the perforated lines when I’m opening a box of food; and uh, yeah, I guess I’m a bit of a nag.

Every marriage has its quirks, and honestly, I think we need these minor frustrations to keep things running.  If we didn’t blow off steam nagging each other about the dishes and the Pringles foil seal, who knows what kind of epic explosion could be in store down the road.  And to be completely honest, the things that make Hubby a butt-head, well, I think most of them are kind of cute.  I’d miss them if, heaven forbid, we were no longer together.

The dude drives me nuts, but he sure makes me smile.

Until next time,

Vee

 

 

Why does my kid always…

On By VeeIn Family, ParentingLeave a comment

Why does my daughter always …

  • Poop her diaper the second after I change her into a fresh one.
  • Take short naps when I need to get something done, and long naps when I need to get out the door.
  • Spit her pacifier onto the floor every time we’re in a public restroom.
  • Hide food in her neck folds, and somehow, also in her diaper.
  • Try to touch my brain (via my nostrils) whenever I hold her.
  • Get a head cold, followed by an ear infection, followed by a diaper rash. Rinse and repeat.  And repeat.  And repeat.
  • Insist on unfolding the laundry as soon as I’ve folded it.
  • Bee-line for the kitties’ water dish as soon as I put her down on the floor.
  • Cry from exhaustion, but then do metaphorical (or sometimes actual) cartwheels when I try to put her down for a nap.

And why does my son always…

  • Refuse to fall asleep in the car until we’re 5 minutes away from our final destination.
  • Magically identify and extract new vegetables from his meal.
  • Ignore a toy all day, but need to play with it immediately if baby sister shows any interest in it.
  • Refuse to wear a jacket or use a blanket, no matter how cold it is.
  • Try to choke me out when hugging me from behind.
  • Drink bath water by the gallons.
  • Confess his hiding place when playing hide-and-seek.
  • Have a growth spurt right after I drop a fortune on new clothes.
  • Talk about his penis to strangers.
  • Squeeze the full juice box before he puts the straw in his mouth.

Why do blowouts come in threes?

Why do the Terrible Twos start at 18 Months? And when oh when do they end?

Why does it hurt like a mofo to step on a Hotwheels car?

And how is it possible that in spite of everything, my kids melt my heart over and over again, every single day?

Until next time,

Vee

Screen Time: Is My Kid Watching Too Much TV?

On By VeeIn Family, Parenting3 Comments

Alright, I’m going to be completely honest, because this blog is anonymous, and because the first step is admitting you have a problem.  On some days (on a lot of days — maybe even more often than not), my 2.5-year-old watches a full 2 hours of TV.  Ugh, gross.  This is the first time I’ve said that number out loud.  It sounds outrageous.  (But if your kid watches more TV than that, I totally don’t judge you!)

Now I’ve been on social media enough to know that everyone thinks screen time is basically the devil.  And parents who expose their children to TV are doing the devil’s work.  (Well at least now I know what I’m going to be for Halloween, right?)  So why am I admitting that my son watches an enormous amount of TV? I don’t know, I guess I have a sneaking suspicion that lots of parents rely on TV to parent, and maybe we can normalize it a little bit. Yes? No? I’m all alone, you say?

Well in my defense, I guess, things weren’t always this bad.  When K-Man was in daycare, he watched maybe 30 minutes of TV a day, tops.  I will admit that I started him early, out of what I felt was necessity.  When Hubby was in med school and I was still working, Hubby was usually out of the house by the time I needed to get ready for the day.  And K-Man woke up at an ungodly hour almost always.  How is a girl supposed to shower and blow dry her hair with a baby all up in her business?  So, I would situate K-Man in the bathroom with my iPad, and let him watch Elmo’s World while I preened.  And on the weekends, well, K-Man didn’t sleep in.  Which means I didn’t sleep in.  Which means I got in the habit of sitting him on my lap, turning on some trusty Elmo, and snoozing on the couch while his brain slowly melted away.

And then we pulled K-Man out of daycare in anticipation of our move to Upstate New York.  That move, man, it killed us.  Have you ever tried to pack up your life with a 2-year-old and a nursing baby in tow? It is fricking impossible. So I’ll just go ahead and admit it: my son watched Moana and Cars pretty much on loop for about two weeks straight while Hubby and I packed.  Moana is a great babysitter, even though she’s only 16.  So by the time we were all moved, K-Man was a legit addict.  Every other sentence was, “Watch Cars? Watch Moana?”

It took a few more weeks to rid him of that particular habit, but the upshot is that the kid still watches a lot of TV (though he’s moved on to a YouTube obsession). I mean, it all adds up so quickly.  There’s usually an hour when he first wakes up.  It’s just that I feel like absolute death in the morning, and when I have to roll out of bed to deal with two maniacal kids, I don’t have much fight in me.  So I let him watch while I peel my eyes open, read my social media, make us some breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth, and put my contacts on.  And then every time I have to nurse Ell-Bell (aka, the fussiest, most picky, most distracted nurser ever), I have to take her to another room, which means K-Man gets to hang out with the TV (aka, his babysitter) yet again.  And then there’s the after-nap grumpies, when K-Man is not human and needs to sit on the couch and zone out with some shows for a bit.  And on the worst days, little dude even gets to watch a bit before bed.  Because sometimes by the end of the day, I just can’t even.  So yeah, you can see how we hit two hours some days. Yikes.

We are always working on it, but I’m also trying to give myself a bit of a break.  I’m still learning how to Mom.  And gosh darnit, sometimes TV is educational.  Yeah, yeah, there are probably better ways to learn, but let me have this one.

All that being said, I do try to stick to some guidelines when it comes to the boob tube:

  • No more than an hour at any given time.  Let’s give that poor melting brain some time to re-congeal before we melt it all over again
  • Educational. We try to stick to TV that has at least some redeeming value. K-Man loves to watch nursery rhyme compilations on YouTube, and I totally attribute the fact that he knows his ABCs, colors, shapes, and numbers to those shows. I mean, the kid isn’t even three yet and can identify all the letters—both upper and lower case—and can also count up to 30-10!
  • I don’t offer it.  If he wants to watch TV, he has to ask for it.  And don’t worry, he does.
  • We have to do something else.  If it’s a TV-heavy day, we absolutely must get out of the house, at least once but usually twice, to do something completely different.
  • Snuggles or no deal.  My kid is extra cuddly when he’s watching TV, so if I’m not taking advantage of it, what am I even doing with my life?

So them’s the rules!  In the event that you’re interested in coming over to the dark side and need some TV recommendations, might I suggest Little Baby Bum, Clifford, or Daniel Tiger? Ugga mugga!

Until next time,

Vee

 

#CuteKids

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting, Upstate New York9 Comments

Hi, I’m Vee, and I have cute kids. Two, to be exact. And a pretty darn cute husband too.  While I used to be a corporate litigation attorney in Washington, D.C., my family recently moved to upstate New York for my husband’s new job.  And with the move, a new title for me: stay-at-home mom. Yay? Yikes? Only time will tell.  I will say that this career change was very much wanted, and I will say that I have a lot–a LOT–of reservations.  I’m giving myself grace and if it’s too fricking* hard, then bully for me for trying, and back to the lawyering world I go!

Since this is my inaugural post, I guess a few more details about me and my cuties are warranted.  As for me, I grew up in the American southwest.  Love me some cactus, hate me some rattlesnakes.  I went to college in Canada (ice ice baby), and law school in the northeast (clam chowdah baby).  Then it was 3 years in New York City as an associate at a top-tier law firm, and 4 more years in D.C. as an associate at a satellite office of the same law firm.  I guess that’s not a small amount of moving around.  I’m 31-years-old (almost 32 but shut up ok?) and I’m a Scorpio.  Not that I know anything about astrology … but maybe that detail is relevant for those of you who do.

I met the husband (“Hubby”) in high school, but we didn’t start dating until the end of college.  We’ve been married for just over five years, and I think we’re pretty good stuff.  We certainly have our issues, but they’re workable.  Hubby just finished med school in D.C., and then started his residency program up here in July.  He is a 33-year-old Gemini, for those of you keeping score.

Our son, who I’ll refer to as “K-man” for now, is a glorious little tow-headed two-year-old.  He’s my world.  He’s a nightmare in the flesh. Like, good lord, are all two-year-olds sociopaths or is my kid broken? K-man, an Aquarius, enjoys playing with Hotwheel cars — like, ALL the Hotwheel cars — and munching on bowls full of Pepperidge Farms goldfish.  I have a sneaking suspicion he’s a genius, but it’s hard to wade through the bias.

Our daughter, “Ell-Bell” for the time being, is almost eleven-months-old.  Girlfriend is chuuu-bby.  Like, that’s the first thing strangers will say about her when they see her.  I hope they stop, soon, before she develops a complex.  She also has the most mesmerizing blue eyes I’ve ever seen — swoon!  Ell-Bell is a Sagittarius who enjoys cheese sticks and stealing Hotwheels from her brother.  They already love each other so much.

So that’s our little family.  Why this blog, why now? Well, I used to blog feverishly about my efforts to get pregnant with K-man, and I found it very therapeutic.  Alas, that blog has served its purpose, and I feel like it’s time to start fresh. I find myself narrating blog posts in my head all the time, so why not put pen to paper?

I hope that this will be a blog about everything.  Parenting, marriage, extended family, life up here in the frigid north, shower thoughts, etc., etc. I’m not that picky.  Honestly, I’m just a girl who’s alone in a new place, with an isolating job, and I need someone to talk to!  A blank screen will do the trick.

Until next time,

Vee

 

*Sometimes I get a little excited and use “colorful” language. I’ve tried to be good in this post, but I can’t promise future posts won’t drop a few four-letter words here and there.  I’d love to say “sorry not sorry” but I actually am kind of sorry. So, yeah, sorry in advance.