Our family has two black cats. They’re brothers. They’re adorable. They’re assholes and they ruin my life on an hourly basis.
Hubby and I adopted our cats from a shelter when they were kittens 9 years ago. It was kind of a bold move for our relationship, because we were still just boyfriend-girlfriend at the time. We joked about how we had to stay together for the cats, because neither of us could bear to part ways with them.
My, how things have changed. Everyone always worries when they plan for children that bringing home a baby will change their relationship with their pet for the worse. Well, those people worry for a reason. Pets — well, annoying pets like cats — they don’t mesh with babies and toddlers. Maybe if we were smart and got a dog instead, things would be different, I don’t know.
But yeah, my once undying love for my two kitties has dwindled overtime to whatever the opposite of “undying” is. (Dying?) The problem is that kids always need something from you. They’re all over your body. They’re noisy. It gets exhausting. And unfortunately, my two cats have all of those same traits, so they compound the problem. Mommy is a little touched out. And mommy doesn’t want to hear another peep after the kids go to bed. So please stop effing meowing for dinner hours before it’s time to feed you.
There’s also just never a convenient time to deal with a cat problem. For example, the other day, one of my cats escaped out of the house. After he didn’t come back to the sound of me vigorously shaking a treat bag at the back door, I put the bag on the floor in frustration and resolved to go out looking for him. Which means I had to strap Ell-Bell on in the carrier, peel K-Man away from the TV, bribe him to put his shoes and jacket on, so we could all trek outside for an indeterminate amount of time searching for my house cat. It was a nightmare. And of course, right as we were all packed up and ready to head out for our walkabout, the other cat snatched the treat bag I had inexpertly left on the floor and started to run away with it. So I had to drop everything and chase cat number two around the house. He of course proceeded to spray treats all over the floor, and I had no choice but to clean them up before I left — he’s obese, after all. I swear it was a big conspiracy.
Don’t worry, I found the other cat.
Sometimes at night the cats snuggle me or sleep on my pillow, and I remember how much I love them. But then one of them gets up and starts scratching the wall when I’m trying to get in my very few hours of precious sleep. Stupid effing cats.
Until next time,