It’s November 29, and there’s only one day left in this year’s NaBloPoMo. Today’s theme is Hair, because who wouldn’t want to read an entire blog post dedicated to that?
If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? For me, there’s never been a question: my hair. My stupid, awful, life-ruining hair.
When I was a toddler, I had kind-of adorable hair. It spiraled out of control, straight up from my scalp. I looked like a cute little lion, rawr! But that shit was not cute or acceptable when I got older. No, as I got older, I realized that I lost the hair lottery. In so many ways.
Worst things first, my hair is not straight. Notice that I did not say that my hair is curly, or wavy. It’s none of those lovely things. It’s just this fluffy, frizzy, poofy mess, with some straight parts here, some curly parts there, and some wavy parts over there. It never dries the same from one day to the next. You know how when you’re watching ’80s movies, you have to laugh and wonder, what the heck were they thinking with that hair? Let’s just say I would have been a lot more popular if I went to high school in the ’80s.
I feel like I’ve tried everything. Expensive hair cuts. Expensive hair products. Pregnancy hormones. Praying to sweet baby Jesus. It never looks better. It looks so bad, in fact, that I’ve spent at least 5 million hours of my life blow-drying or straightening it. That’s good for me, right?
Aside from general appearance, my hair is also cursed because it falls out at an alarming rate. Alarming, you guys, it’s not normal. I can’t touch it without coming away with somewhere between 4 and 100 loose strands in my hand. Don’t worry, I’ve asked a doctor. I’m not balding, and I’m not dying.
Our floor, our carpet, our bathtub, our car, our kids, the Hubby — all completely covered in my hair. It is impossible for me to look down at my body without spotting two or three stray hairs no longer attached to my head. I’ve even had self-described touch-a-phobes reach out and brush loose hair off of me. Ugh, gross. It’s embarrassing.
The last thing that’s wrong with my hair, well, I can barely even talk about it because it makes me nauseated. Let’s just say, without expanding any further, that there may be some gray hairs on my 32-year-old head. Ew. Ugh. I just gagged a little bit as I wrote that. It’s only a sprinkling of gray, but still, I don’t know what I ever did to my hair to make it betray me so. (Maybe the decades of heat abuse?)
I can only hope that my kids have better luck with their hair than I do. And they probably will. My stupid mother-in-law has straight hair and almost no grays at 67. Whatever.
Until next time,
2 thoughts on “#NaBloPoMo Day 29: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”
While I don’t have the exact same hair situation as you, I’ve always wished that my hair was nice. I see the women on the street with perfectly wavy styled hair, or even just straight, smooth and moving nicely hair and I have insane hair envy. While my hair is long, no matter how much care I give it, it always looks dry and flat and always has frizz. I bring pictures of the colour I want it to be to the salon, and they never are able to achieve the same thing in my hair. I also have greys scattered everywhere too. It’s the worst!! It’s the one thing on display ALL THE TIME! There’s a reason my hair is almost always worn up. and not even in a cute updo or messy bun. It’s just up in whatever way I can where it still looks half decent. If a picture of me appears and my hair looks shiny and smooth…it’s because I made people wait to take the picture so I could brush it beforehand. That guarantees me at least 30 seconds before it turns to dry frizz hair again. I hear you on the hair loss too. When my son was about 2 months old he was screaming one day. Absolutely screaming. I couldn’t figure out why. I then went and changed his diaper and discovered one of my long brown hairs wrapped around his tiny little penis. *insert horrified mom face here*. That’s what he was screaming about. My fallen hair was hurting him badly!!! I think that’s about as low as I could go with my hair issues. So, I hear you. I sympathize with you. I am on the same team as you! I want to say it will get better, but let’s be real….we are stuck with this for life!!!
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Hahah, I had to laugh out loud at your encouraging final words. Sad, but true. I am glad to read that I am not alone with my hair troubles (but sad for you, of course). It just seems so unfair, why do some people get all the good hair? How much easier would our lives be if we didn’t have to worry about it?
And wow, I’ve heard about the hair-penis tourniquet situation before, but I’ve never met anyone in “real life” who that happened to. I hope your son came out of it all ok.