Category: Marriage

Thankful

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting2 Comments

Because today is about spending time with family (and stressing my way through hosting Thanksgiving), I’ll keep things brief on this 23rd day of NaBloPoMo.

When I was growing up, my family’s tradition on Thanksgiving was to go around the table and, one-by-one, say what we were each thankful for.  Probably not a very unique tradition, but it did give the day some transcendental meaning.  So in the spirit of nostalgia, here is what I am thankful for over the past year:

  • My cute kids:  Shifting from one to two kids over the past year was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but as low as some of the lows were, the highs were even higher.  I am so blessed to be able to mom these two amazing, adorable, incredible, funny, smart, CUTE FREAKING KIDS.  I need to remember how lucky I am all the time, and not just when I’m feeling sappy at Thanksgiving.
  • My husband: Hubby worked his ASS off this past year.  His 4th year of medical school, the residency interview and match process, his first year of residency.  These are things that drive normal, single medical students insane, and Hubby survived it with a crazy wife and two young kids! He is a super hero (probably sexy sexy Batman, if I get to pick).
  • Our new home: How special is it to be spending this Thanksgiving in our first very own home?  There’s a fire crackling, it’s warm, there’s family, and it smells like delicious-ish food.  This is amazing.
  • Our extended family: Because of Hubby’s crazy schedule and workload, we’ve been pretty delinquent about making the travel rounds this past year.  We are so grateful to our extended family for making the effort to come to us, they’re the real MVPs!
  • This blog: The newest member of our family, haha!  But seriously, though it has only been a month going, I am grateful for this outlet, this newfound hobby, and a few people I’ve gotten to know better through this venue.

Okay, that’s enough sap.  Happy Thanksgiving to all! Go get your Turkey (or Tofurkey) on!

Until next time,

Vee

#NaBloPoMo Day 21: Our Proposal Story

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage4 Comments

Welcome to NaBloPoMo Day 21. So what’s the theme du jour?  It’s the theme of the day!  (Raise your hand if that Dumb and Dumber quote gets you every time.). But today’s actual theme is Proposal. Yes, more mawwiage stuff.

What’s your dream proposal?  And if you’ve ever been proposed to before, did it live up to the hype?

Hubby’s first proposal to me was after just a few months of dating. “Hey, do you wanna get married so I can make more money from the Army?” I told him to shove it.

Hubby’s second proposal to me was simple but sweet. Nearly perfect.

About 5 years into our dating relationship, I knew it was coming. We were living together, we had cats, and one of my good friends had just gotten married so my marriage clock was ticking. We had been talking about the possibility for a few months, and had even been ring shopping together. (He sold his car to pay for the ring. I mean, how cute is that?)

So when Hubby asked if we could go up to Connecticut for the weekend to visit his parents, warning bells sounded in my head. Could this be it? As we took the train from NYC to New Haven, both of my parents randomly checked in on me via text and wished me a good day. Weird.  (Come to find out Hubby had asked for their respective permission before proposing, and filled them in on his plans. So they were being nosy and annoying.)

When we got to CT, Hubby’s Mom served us all lemonade in their gorgeous back yard. Then Hubby asked if we could go for a walk through the small apple orchard. As we started to stroll around, Hubby’s Dad came out to water some plants nearby, but scurried away quickly when he realized what was about to go down.

I don’t remember exactly how it happened.  I remember Hubby subconsciously kept tapping the ring box in his pocket, which was cute. I also remember I tried to hug him while we were ambling around, but he kind of stiff-armed me. He told me later he didn’t want me to feel how fast his heart was beating.

After a few moments of conversation, Hubby joked about how he had asked me this once before, but this time it was for real. And then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was the first time I saw the ring, and even though we discussed what I might want, it was so unexpected and breathtaking and gorgeous. One carat princess cut with two tear drop side diamonds, swoon. I still stare at it in amazement to this day.

After the proposal, I kind of fell to my knees goofily so I could be eye level with Hubby.  I felt awkward hanging out up there by myself!  But Hubby made me stand back up and accept the proposal properly.  I said yes, of course.

Then we returned to his parents’ house to share the news. And about five minutes later, I went out to the drug store to buy my first bridal magazine, because duh. And about a year later, we sealed the deal at the chapel on the campus where we went to high school together.  And a charming marriage ensued.

Until next time,

Vee

How to Discipline Your 2-Year-Old (#NaBloPoMo Day 18)

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting1 Comment

And we’re on to NaBloPoMo Day 18!  I know it’s the weekend, but I hope you’re all behaving. Today’s theme is Discipline, and things are about to get pretty stern up in here.

Let’s talk about my son K-Man.  I love him to the end of the Earth.  But the terrible twos have struck hard, and my once sweet little boy is now a bona fide ass face.  Guys, it’s so bad, so bad that I have to wonder if everything is ok.  Is this normal two-year-old stuff? Or is he going to have major behavioral issues as he ages?

The biggest problem is violence.  His body is a weapon and he knows how to use it.  He knows how to use it on the cats, his little sister, and even his poor unsuspecting parents. It’s not so much that he’s outright hitting us — he mostly knows that’s wrong, though he’s not above it when he’s delirious with exhaustion.  Instead, he’s all about crazy, uncontrolled hyper movements that he knows are going to land on an innocent bystander.  And casually bumping his little sister out of the way when she’s already teetering on her unsteady feet.  Or hugging her and then slowly pushing her to the ground. (Rage.)  Or jumping on my knee caps when I’m sitting on the ground with my legs extended. (More rage.)  Or choking Hubby out from behind.

And then you have the epic tantrums and the never ever listening when you ask him to stop doing something destructive.  All of this without an ounce of apology or empathy behind those beautiful big blue toddler eyes.  Ugh, it’s so exhausting.  And it’s constant.  And it’s been going on since well before he turned two.  And he’s almost three now.  Relief, are you out there somewhere? Are you lost? Did you get my change of address?

So what do you do when you have an extra sociopathic toddler?  How do you discipline a two-year-old?

My knee-jerk response is to say that you don’t.  Because they’re still so dumb, you guys.  They really don’t understand anything.  I mean, I’m 32 and I still haven’t fully learned how to follow rules or do the right thing, so why should I expect my toddler to?

But deep down in my heart I know that as hard as disciplining is at this age, we have to try, right? Because if we don’t, sociopathic toddlers (normal) could turn into sociopathic adults (not normal).  Yikes.

So if your kid is about to enter this charming stage of his or her life, and you’re looking for help (because I know I still am), let me give you the low down on some of the things we’ve tried with our little butthead.  Spoiler alert: most of it doesn’t work.

  • Yelling:  Nobody likes to be yelled at, so this one should discourage your kid from doing most undesirables, right? Wrong.  Toddlers are immune to yelling.  They don’t care if you scream at them until you’re red in the face.  In fact, they enjoy watching you change colors.  There is, however, one exception.  If you’re yelling at your kid in terror out of fear for his or her life — as in, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP YOU’RE ABOUT TO RUN IN FRONT OF A MOVING VEHICLE — they listen right up.  And thank god for that.  (Hmm, maybe I need to learn how to emulate that terror in my voice even when I’m just asking K-Man to get his mother effing butt off the mother effing dining table, for the last time. Gawd!)
  • Time-in:  Time-out is getting a bit of a bad rap these days, so the new hip thing to do is sit down with your child for some “time-in” — you can discuss the transgression with your kid while also keeping them company and reinforcing how much you love them.  Aww!  For a while, time-in was our jam.  If K-Man smushed his little sister one too many times, we would buckle him in to his booster seat at the table and sit next to him to talk through it.  And once K-Man had a good idea of what time-in was, we were able to use the threat of it as a deterrent.  As in, “if you smush your sister again you’re going to have to do time-in!”  Unfortunately, in recent weeks, K-Man has learned a little self-determination, and he no longer willingly goes in to his booster seat for time-in.  And since I’m not cool with physically forcing his body in half to get him to sit down, we’ve had to retire time-in to the discipline graveyard.  Boo.
  • Bribes: K-Man loves him some choc-luht, and we’re not above luring it over his fat head to get him to do something that we need him to do.  They’re just baby teeth, right?  This tactic works well for encouraging certain immediate affirmative behaviors (e.g., “if you let me brush your teeth you can have some chocolate after”), but it is less effective for discouraging prospective actions (e.g., “if you don’t do the naughty thing that I don’t know you’re about to do, you can have some chocolate”).
  • Taking Things Away:  I can’t believe how long it took me to figure this one out.  Toys? A privilege.  TV? A privilege.  If my turd of a child is acting out, I don’t have to let him keep playing with toys or watching tv! Whaaaat? This is my current discipline of choice, because it is the most effective deterrent.  “If you don’t lay down for a diaper change, I’m going to turn Moana off!” or, “If you hit your sister with that truck again, I’m going to take it away!”  Genius! Should I write a book?
  • Telling Him He’s In Trouble:  K-Man hates being in trouble, even if it comes with no real consequence.  He just cringes at the word.  So sometimes, all I have to do is tell him that if he carries on with certain behavior, he’ll be in big trouble.  Or if he’s already done the offending act, I just let him know he’s in trouble and he immediately gets majorly uncomfortable.  “No, I not in trouble, you happy mommy.”  “No, I give you a hug and then I not in trouble.”  “No, I not in big trouble, I in small trouble!”  What a dork.

 

So there you have it, my busted up list of tips and tricks for toddler discipline.  (Side note: should they really let people be parents without first passing a course in child psychology?)

The only other piece of advice I have for those maneuvering toddler discipline — and this bit is actually genuine — is to sit down and talk through strategies with your significant other.  Make sure you have a game plan, and make sure you’re on the same page.  Ideally, you would do this before your child gets to the age where they need actual disciplining.  Because the last thing you want when you’re navigating your child’s first god awful temper tantrum is to learn that your hubby doesn’t even know what time-in is.  Yikes!

Until next time,

Vee

 

Soccer Mom In the Waiting (#NaBloPoMo Day 17)

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, ParentingLeave a comment

It’s the 17th day of NaBloPoMo, yo!  Since 17 has always been my jersey number, let’s talk about Sports!  And if you missed yesterday’s gut wrenching Kardashian confession, go check it out!

Hubby and I are both former athletes.  I say former because these days we gym 1-2 times a week and rock some epic mom and dad bods.  But back in the day, I was pretty serious about soccer.  And Hubby played squash like a pro.  (If you don’t know about squash, it’s just this silly little New England sport that is the same thing as racquet ball.)

Because athletics were such an integral part of my youth, I can’t imagine my kids not sharing that same passion.  And if there’s anything I love more than my own children, it’s spectating sports, so they better be ready to put on a show!

And you know what? I don’t even care that kids suck horribly at sports for the first few years.  Trust me, I am not picky about the quality of my sport spectating.  If there’s a competition, a winner and a loser, I’m into it! And if there’s a snack bar selling nachos nearby, I’ve basically died and gone to heaven.

Since my kids are not quite at the team sports age yet, for now all I can do is watch them eagerly to try and discern where their respective talents lie.  K-Man is all about kicking the cats and body-checking his little sister, so maybe soccer is in his future?  Honestly I’d prefer he take up tennis because I really want him to turn pro and take me to Wimbledon every year, but that’s a bit of a pipe dream.  As for Ell-Bell — beautiful, 95th-percentile-in-weight Ell-Bell — she’s got sumo wrestler or shot putter written all over her.

I suppose I do need to prepare myself for the possibility that my kids won’t want to play sports.  Wow, I just broke into a cold sweat writing that.  But seriously, whatever they throw at me (figuratively speaking, in this scenario), I’ll be ok.  Right?

Until next time,

Vee

 

 

 

Thank You For Serving (#NaBloPoMo Day 11)

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage1 Comment

It’s the eleventh day of my NaBloPoMo, friends, and today I’ve decided to write about Veterans.  Sexy topic, much? Don’t miss yesterday’s post, where I took a deep and emotional dive on my relationship with my dad.

Today is Veterans Day in the U.S.

When I was a little kid, Veterans Day was just a day off from school, and I gave it no more thought than that.  And I am ashamed to admit that as a juvenile, I was a bit of a jerk towards veterans, or at least the idea of them.  I was a liberal, hotheaded little teenager when the U.S. first engaged in military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq.  And I just couldn’t appreciate the difference between supporting the troops and supporting the war.

I remember one time I was riding a Greyhound bus back up to college after visiting my ex-boyfriend, and I found myself sitting next to a guy who was in the Army.  And I was a bona fide asshole to him, basically telling him that I wasn’t impressed with his being in the Army because I didn’t support the war.  Major props to that guy for not punching me right in my spoiled little face.

I wish I could say that I came to an academic enlightenment about appreciating veterans because it was the right thing to do.  Unfortunately, I’m not that good of a person.  Instead, I only came around when things became personal for me.

You see, when I first introduced Hubby in my inaugural post, and then later dished on his annoying toilet habits, I left out kind of an important detail.  Hubby is a veteran who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

As I’ve mentioned, Hubby and I met in high school, but we weren’t dating at the time.  When we reconnected on AOL (R.I.P.) a few years later, I couldn’t believe my ears when Hubby told me that he was currently in Iraq, at war.  I honestly thought he was joking for several days.  As we chatted day in and day out, things started to get more romantic, and before I knew it I was officially dating a man in uniform.

When Hubby came back from Iraq, he visited me at college and we started dating in the flesh.  Which, I gotta tell you, was way better than dating over Instant Messenger.  But he was only stateside for a bit before he was shipped back out to Afghanistan for another year of deployment.  And my god was it agonizing sitting at home, hoping he was ok, wondering when I would hear from him next.  So shout out to all of those who stayed strong at home while their significant others, children, parents, siblings, and friends volunteered overseas.

It’s embarrassing to admit that it wasn’t until I started dating Hubby that I realized my vitriol for military members was shameful and incredibly misplaced.  That whether we agreed on politics or not (and sometimes we actually did agree), these were people who were doing something that I would never in a million years be brave enough to do.  And that they were volunteering to do it.*  It actually makes me teary-eyed with pride.  How could I ever have disrespected this population, regardless of their motivation for joining?

There is no denying that our veterans have made unbelievable sacrifices, including the ultimate sacrifice, too many times.  And it is heartbreaking that, after everything they’ve done, so many of them struggle with reintegrating into society after deployment.  Something like 40,000 U.S. veterans are homeless on any given night.  Somewhere between 11-20% of U.S. veterans struggle with PTSD in any given year.  And something like 22 U.S. veterans take their own lives on any given day.  Twenty-two.  That is a staggeringly sad number.

 

In light of all of these sacrifices, both overseas and back at home, I just want to say Thank You to everyone who has served.  And sorry for taking so long to come around.

Until next time,

Vee

 

*To be clear, I have no less respect for those who served in the past without volunteering.

 

#NaBloPoMo Day 6: Birthday Month

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting, Upstate New York12 Comments

Welcome to NaBloPoMo Day 6, where the theme du jour is Birthdays!  Don’t forget to read yesterday’s post, where I talk about how jealous I am of my sister-in-law’s very ripe cervix.  How’s that for a non-sequitur?

November is my Birthday Month — no wonder I love it so much.  (And yes, forget birthday weeks, I’m all about birthday months).

This year I am turning 32, which sounds just so old to me.  But then I think about the year I turned 12, when I ugly cried because I was sad about how ancient I was.  So maybe with a little perspective, I can appreciate that when I turn 52, I’ll also feel like that sounds pretty old.  And I’ll laugh back at my 32-year-old self because I was actually so young back then.

Honestly, I’m quite tempted to feel sorry for myself on my birthday this year.  Because I’m going to be spending it so very, very alone.  I’m introverted, and shy, and awkward, and most of the time, I don’t even care.  But there’s something about birthdays, at least for me.  As much as I don’t want to be noticed in general, I do secretly always hope people will make a big deal on my birthday.

But alas, I’m alone in a new city, taking my sweet introverted time making new friends.  No extended family within hundreds of miles in any direction.  So all of my birthday hopes fall on my husband.  My poor husband who is in the throes of his intern year.  My poor husband who is working six or seven days a week.  Who leaves the house every day at 5:00 a.m. and doesn’t get home until 7:00 or 8:00 p.m.  Yeah, that husband.  I don’t expect much from him, but it’s a bit of a bummer that we won’t really get to spend any time together.  Maybe I can I count on my two-year-old and my 11-month-old for some birthday love?

I guess the good news is, no adults will be around to witness my annual birthday face-stuffing.  I’m going to shot-gun an entire pizza, Liz Lemon-style.

And as I’m eating my way through my feelings, I’ll try to remember that a birthday is just one day in a year full of other days.  And that year is just one year in a lifetime full of other years.  So what if  the actual Day Of is kind of underwhelming? It’s been a good year, and it’s been a great life.

Until next time,

Vee

#NaBloPoMo Day 1: Marriage is Hard

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting10 Comments

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m taking on NaBloPoMo this November, and because I’m a little special at using the internet, I’ve gone ahead and crafted my own list of 30 themes.  Marriage is kind of a big deal, so I figured why not kick things off on Day 1 with a post dedicated to Married Life?

First things first, am I the only person who hears the word “marriage” and immediately converts it to “mawwiage”? Raise your hand if you grew up watching the Princess Bride. (Side story, Hubby and I were in a fit of giggles during our vows on our wedding day, because we kept whispering “mawwiage” to each other. #RealMature).

mawwiage

Anyway, marriage is hard, y’all.  Every marriage requires major compromise and consists of significant unrest (let’s be honest).  And also, marriage is petty.  So in the spirit of being majorly petty, I’m going to take a few minutes to dish on my husband.  Because, god love him, he can be a bit of a butt-head.

butthead

So why, you ask, is Hubby a butt-head? Well…

  • He DEMANDS that the toilet paper be installed with the flap on top.  When we first started dating, I unknowingly replaced the toilet paper with the flap hiding in the back, and boy oh boy did I get an earful. But I mean, I had lived the first 21 years of my life with no rhyme or reason to how each new roll of toilet paper was installed, and I turned out ok, so …
  • While we’re on the subject of toilets, Hubby spends HOURS on the porcelain throne.  And he usually decides to go to the bathroom at the worst time.  Like, when I’m drowning in kids. He’s all, “oops, nature calls, gotta go sit on the toilet and scroll  Imgur for 30 minutes.” And let’s be honest, I’m not above texting him while he’s relieving himself and asking him to hurry the EFF up.  I mean, I’m drowning in kids, after all.
  • Moving out of the bathroom and into the kitchen: when Hubby is done using a knife, he likes to leave it on the counter with the handle hanging over the edge.  Jesus H, it’s not like we have two little munchkins running around pulling shit off the counters at every opportunity or anything . . .  Fack!
  • Hubby does not know how to load the dishwasher.  He’s like, SO bad at it that I’ve considered writing him a manual.  Of course, I should be so lucky when he actually takes it upon himself to load the dishwasher.  More often than not, he puts his used dishware on the counter … the completely clean counter … the one that I’ve just cleared of dirty dishes that are now in the dishwasher.  I brought this up last night and Hubby said, “How am I supposed to know that the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty?”  Gee, mystery of mysteries.
  • He is a horrible grocery shopper.  It takes him like an hour and a half to get a cart-full of things that would take me 20 minutes to collect.  I don’t understand it, and I have to do a lot of “serenity now”-ing while I sit at home (drowning in kids) waiting for him to finish.
  • Hubby likes to slip into accidental naps on the couch while I’m in the other room, drowning in kids.
  • He does not wake up to the baby crying in the middle of the night.  So, you know, I’m not allowed to get mad at him that he doesn’t volunteer to go in to soothe the baby, because it’s not his fault that he doesn’t wake up.

So yeah, that’s Hubby in all his Imgur-scrolling, couch-napping glory.  As for me, well, I think I have a pretty good idea what this list would look like if Hubby was writing about me.  I won’t lie to you guys, I’m not perfect: I like to leave the Pringles foil seal partially attached to the can after I open it; I never EVER notice the perforated lines when I’m opening a box of food; and uh, yeah, I guess I’m a bit of a nag.

Every marriage has its quirks, and honestly, I think we need these minor frustrations to keep things running.  If we didn’t blow off steam nagging each other about the dishes and the Pringles foil seal, who knows what kind of epic explosion could be in store down the road.  And to be completely honest, the things that make Hubby a butt-head, well, I think most of them are kind of cute.  I’d miss them if, heaven forbid, we were no longer together.

The dude drives me nuts, but he sure makes me smile.

Until next time,

Vee

 

 

#CuteKids

On By VeeIn Family, Marriage, Parenting, Upstate New York9 Comments

Hi, I’m Vee, and I have cute kids. Two, to be exact. And a pretty darn cute husband too.  While I used to be a corporate litigation attorney in Washington, D.C., my family recently moved to upstate New York for my husband’s new job.  And with the move, a new title for me: stay-at-home mom. Yay? Yikes? Only time will tell.  I will say that this career change was very much wanted, and I will say that I have a lot–a LOT–of reservations.  I’m giving myself grace and if it’s too fricking* hard, then bully for me for trying, and back to the lawyering world I go!

Since this is my inaugural post, I guess a few more details about me and my cuties are warranted.  As for me, I grew up in the American southwest.  Love me some cactus, hate me some rattlesnakes.  I went to college in Canada (ice ice baby), and law school in the northeast (clam chowdah baby).  Then it was 3 years in New York City as an associate at a top-tier law firm, and 4 more years in D.C. as an associate at a satellite office of the same law firm.  I guess that’s not a small amount of moving around.  I’m 31-years-old (almost 32 but shut up ok?) and I’m a Scorpio.  Not that I know anything about astrology … but maybe that detail is relevant for those of you who do.

I met the husband (“Hubby”) in high school, but we didn’t start dating until the end of college.  We’ve been married for just over five years, and I think we’re pretty good stuff.  We certainly have our issues, but they’re workable.  Hubby just finished med school in D.C., and then started his residency program up here in July.  He is a 33-year-old Gemini, for those of you keeping score.

Our son, who I’ll refer to as “K-man” for now, is a glorious little tow-headed two-year-old.  He’s my world.  He’s a nightmare in the flesh. Like, good lord, are all two-year-olds sociopaths or is my kid broken? K-man, an Aquarius, enjoys playing with Hotwheel cars — like, ALL the Hotwheel cars — and munching on bowls full of Pepperidge Farms goldfish.  I have a sneaking suspicion he’s a genius, but it’s hard to wade through the bias.

Our daughter, “Ell-Bell” for the time being, is almost eleven-months-old.  Girlfriend is chuuu-bby.  Like, that’s the first thing strangers will say about her when they see her.  I hope they stop, soon, before she develops a complex.  She also has the most mesmerizing blue eyes I’ve ever seen — swoon!  Ell-Bell is a Sagittarius who enjoys cheese sticks and stealing Hotwheels from her brother.  They already love each other so much.

So that’s our little family.  Why this blog, why now? Well, I used to blog feverishly about my efforts to get pregnant with K-man, and I found it very therapeutic.  Alas, that blog has served its purpose, and I feel like it’s time to start fresh. I find myself narrating blog posts in my head all the time, so why not put pen to paper?

I hope that this will be a blog about everything.  Parenting, marriage, extended family, life up here in the frigid north, shower thoughts, etc., etc. I’m not that picky.  Honestly, I’m just a girl who’s alone in a new place, with an isolating job, and I need someone to talk to!  A blank screen will do the trick.

Until next time,

Vee

 

*Sometimes I get a little excited and use “colorful” language. I’ve tried to be good in this post, but I can’t promise future posts won’t drop a few four-letter words here and there.  I’d love to say “sorry not sorry” but I actually am kind of sorry. So, yeah, sorry in advance.